Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My ATM looks so different sober.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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