A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
