My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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