Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
