sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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