90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was confusing and full of hummus
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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