if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
