i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
