Sry I called you an 8
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
