Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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