I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
