I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
