idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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