btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
