I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
