he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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