He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
