ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
