He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
