went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
