where am i from again
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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