My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
