I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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