Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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