apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
