He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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