Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
