dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
