you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
