drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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