There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
