Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
