There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
