The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
