I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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