Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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