names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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