homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
