He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
