Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
