I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize