Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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