wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
