I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
