i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
