You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
