i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
