he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
