fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
