so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
