you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
