What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
