Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
