but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
