Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
