Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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