Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
