Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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