Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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