I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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