hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
