glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
