I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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