32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
