i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is wine microwaveable?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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