Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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