I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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