i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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