i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize