Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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