The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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