my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
