He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
