Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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