Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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