Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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