we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
