he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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