Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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