I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
