I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
