how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
