i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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