A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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